{"id":11642,"date":"2017-01-21T18:33:01","date_gmt":"2017-01-21T18:33:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/shows4.com\/mobile\/?p=11642"},"modified":"2017-01-21T18:33:01","modified_gmt":"2017-01-21T18:33:01","slug":"xxx-the-return-of-xander-cage-review-vin-diesels-action-reboot-bulks-up-on-cheap-thrills-and-lean-plot","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shows4.com\/?p=11642","title":{"rendered":"\u2018xXx: The Return of Xander Cage\u2019 Review: Vin Diesel\u2019s Action Reboot Bulks up on Cheap Thrills and Lean Plot"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\nIt\u2019s pronounced \u201ctriple x,\u201d in case you didn\u2019t see the first movie that introduced Xander Cage, the extreme sportsman turned top secret government agent, which premiered in 2002. Hoping to manufacture the success of his \u201cFast and the Furious\u201d franchise, Diesel has resurrected that summer blockbuster for a limp January imitation that loosely strings together high-octane thrills to thredbare effect.<\/p>\n

The movie opens with Augustus Gibbons (Samuel L. Jackson, with face scar) imploring Brazilian soccer star Neymar to join the xXx program, a (top secret) super spy program run by the U.S. government. His pitch is \u201cWe are not at war, we are at peril,\u201d as if those are two different things. Then, just as Gibbons inexplicably finishes explaining the plot of \u201cDogtown and Z Boys,\u201d a fiery satellite careens out of the sky and presumably kills them both.<\/p>\n

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Cut to a (top secret) meeting of the owners of the world\u2019s satellite communications companies, led by Marke, a vision in a white pantsuit Marke (the deliciously campy Toni Colette, dripping phrases like \u201colly olly oxen free\u201d in sardonic gold). They\u2019re meeting to discess the conspicuously named \u201cPandora\u2019s Box,\u201d a device the size of a hard drive that is capable of manipulating any satellite in the world. Just as Marke is delivering the obligatory warning about the certain disaster if Pandora\u2019s Box gets into the wrong hands, Xiang (Donnie Yen) comes crashing through the glass ceiling and karate chops the device out of her hands.<\/p>\n

At a loss, Marke and her NSA cronies must turn to the one man who can save them. Someone who, as Marke says, her voice as arched as her brows, \u201ccan walk into a tornado and come out the other side looking like it was a damn gentle breeze.\u201d (Colette is in a wholly different movie of her own design.) Enter Cage, previously thought dead, who is introduced mud-skiing down a jungle mountain in order to bring the World Cup broadcast to the Brazilian town where he has been laying low.<\/p>\n

Sitting in an empty cathedral, Marke fills him in on Pandora\u2019s box and Gibbons\u2019 death, enlisting his help with the promise of returning his ridiculous fur coat. Cage doesn\u2019t trust the military meat Marke provides, and insists on assembling his own crew of misfit joy riders for the mission. Introduced with fact sheets like video game characters, Cage picks androgynous sniper Adele Wolfe (Ruby Rose), British crash-chaser Tennyson Torch (Rory McCann), and techno DJ Nicks (Kris Wu).<\/p>\n

Their rival crew, whom they meet on a distant part island in the Philippines, consists of boss Xiang, sultry and strong-willed Serena Unger (Bollywood star Deepika Padukone), bleached-blonde dance-fighter Talon (Tony Jaa), and a white dude (Michael Bisping). \u201cxXx: The Return of Xander Cage\u201d has many flaws, but representation for women and non-white actors isn\u2019t one of them. Diesel (a producer on the film) deserves credit there.<\/p>\n

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The rest of the plot unfolds pretty much how most action bangers do, with twists as easy to spot as Cage\u2019s floor-length fur coat. The two crews eventually team up to wrest Pandora\u2019s box from a largely absentee bad guy who hardly registers as a character. Of course, there are more bad guys be found amongst the good guys.<\/p>\n

Certainly lacking the socio-political commentary of \u201cMad Max: Fury Road,\u201d the movie hardly musters a shred of urgency to make audiences care about the outcome of its ridiculous chase scenes. (At one point Cage\u2019s motorcycle sprouts fins and becomes a jet ski, like Jesus walking on water). The fight scenes are unremarkable, save for one shot of Padukone and Rose back to back in a rousing girl-on-girl shoot-out, and the martial artistry of Yen and Jaa. Even in the weak signal that is the January movie season, \u201cxXx: The Return of Xander Cage\u201d hardly registers.<\/p>\n